Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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