just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
