Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
