i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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