I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
