Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
