All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
