I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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