Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
