would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
