this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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