the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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