she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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