You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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