I am puke
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
