I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
