grandma shit on top of the toilet
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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