I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I need to calm my uterus...
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Randomize
