I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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