So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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