Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
