I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Another day, another engagement, another cat
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
