I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
