Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
