Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
