I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
