i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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