You made me cry and you don't even care
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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