dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
