Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize