3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
