I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Someone came in the potted fern
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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