I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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