I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
