Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
