i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Randomize