somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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