I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
