i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
A bitchslap is in order.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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