you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
