i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
