Capitaan dildo arrescate!
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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