he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
