they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
