"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
