are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
