I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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