from now on my penis is your penis
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
