i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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