my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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