her vagine was all disorganized.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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