I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize