Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
