I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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