just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize