Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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