I feel great
I just peed on a car
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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