my being single is dangerous.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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