No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
