last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize