All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
