I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
