I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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