I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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