Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
