I was born with a shot glass in my hand
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
