tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
