he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
