Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
