Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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