I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize