I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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