If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
