If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
