he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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