somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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