A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize