When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
