my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
