Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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